A Letter to my Son

Happy Birthday,

I miss you my son....wishing you were here to blow out candles....share in the joy of your birth! I know I'm being selfish when I cry that you're not here. I don't think I shall ever stop wishing for the chance to see your smile...the shine in your eyes...one of your awesome bear hugs!

I know that you are being well taken care of....this fact has been told me by God himself! I can't count how many times he whispered to me "He is good my child". I can't be mad at God that it was your time to go...he has blessed me with so much love! I knew in my heart I wouldn't have you long the first time I looked into your eyes....the eyes of an "old soul". Your sister will be with me for years to come. I was blessed with you both...for different reasons ...each significantly important in and to my life here while I walk the mortal path. I know that you can see your beautiful nieces....they remind me so much of you and your sister!

I know that one day I will see and hold you once again. I am blessed with wonderful memories of a son's love for his mom! With your death I found how strong a mothers love is and the realization that God's love for me is no less than my love for my children renewing my faith. My faith outshines the sun once more!

Til the day that my journey ends I will embrace life so that I will have lots of stories to tell.

A mothers love never dies,

Mom

Happy Birthday Randall

Today is the day of my son's birth 29 years ago. It was a happy day unlike the day of his death yet both days were filled with tears. To my horror I discovered today that I had been thinking all week his birthday was tomorrow. I awoke crying ....my heart knew what day it was even though my mind had eluded it...proving there is no escaping what the heart feels or knows.

Poor Poor Me.....Not!

Yesterday feeling a tiny bit sorry for myself. Yes me but I'm so damn optimistic that I can't wallow long at a time....sucks a bit! Yes I would like to have a pity party every now and then. LOL

I have so much to be thankful for the best of which are some wonderful friends! A person who has friends is a rich person. They will be there when you're down....when you're in need...or just when you need someone to talk to! I was reminded of that yesterday. I was also reminded that I have my health and the blessing of seeing today. There is a young girl fighting for her life...the same age as my daughter...her body is rejecting her new heart! I haven't heard anything today but I'm praying that she makes it!

I also came here and reread some earlier entries and they helped immensely! Tears help to cleanse the soul so its okay to cry a little but you must remember the important things in life!

We are only mere humans but gifted with the ability to see past the dark clouds to the rainbow.

Call a friend today....give a hug....share a smile and your world will be that much brighter for it!

Are You Intexticated?

I returned home today from a two day road trip. Traveling down the interstate I saw so many drivers texting while driving at speeds in excess of 70 miles an hour...70 being the legal speed limit. Of those motorists texting quite a few were driving semi's! To see a truck driver texting on his phone instead of watching the road was scarier than any horror movie I've ever seen!! Do you know the kind of damage one of those big rigs can do to a car and even worse to someone on a motorcycle?

Come on people! Stop the madness! Stop driving INTEXTICATED!

What are your opinions concerning texting and driving??

The Best Things In Life Are Free!

I hear every day how tough it is today to make a living. I know first hand of this truth. There doesn't seem to be enough money to merely survive much less live to enjoy life's luxuries. Don't let yourself become so focused on money and the things it can buy. The best things in life are still free and oh so abundant!

It doesn't cost anything to give a smile, a hug, or a kind word. Some of the most beautiful sights to be seen are free...the sunrise, the sunset, the moon, the stars, the first smile of a newborn baby and the look of awe in a childs eyes as he sees the wonders of a world we have long forgotten. To take a walk with a friend or your lover enjoying mother natures beauty is priceless yet requires no money. Reading a book beneath a tree, playing with your children, going on a picnic in the park are all things even the poorest of us can experience!

The list is a never ending one! I challenge each and every one of you, my friends, to make such a list yourself the next time you begin to feel sorry for yourself because you have no money...and turn the page!

Feel free to add to the list through your comments. I look forward to hearing your experiences, suggestions, and to reading them!

Comforting The Grieving

What do you do....what do you say to comfort a person who has just lost maybe the most important person in their life? There is nothing you can say or do to ease the pain or make it go away. Life seems surreal at this time!

As a mother who has lost a child...a sister who has lost her brother...a child who has lost both of her parents I hope to be able to help you in your quest.

These are a few things you can do to offer comfort that will long be remembered!

1) Come bearing plenty of kleenex

2) Say "I'm here" and listen if they want to talk

3) If they don't want to talk just hold them while they cry (i.e. the kleenex)

4) Keep them company during the quiet time

5) Run errands, clean the house, watch the kids (trust me all biggies)

Don't forget that the strong silent types need the same comfort too. They are easy to overlook because they seem to be handling it all so well. This is far from true. They are in the same time warp that death seems to inflict on those grieving.

I remember well those that were there for me, quietly listening with lots of hugs,sometimes crying with me! Angels disguised as mortals!

A True Love

The story....the love of a boy for a girl. The stars....Randall and Tasha. Randall is my son. Tasha is his exgirlfriend at the time. Lets begin shall we.

It was a day unlike any other day in April of 1998. I recieved a call telling me that Tasha had been involved in a car wreck and was in critical condition. She had suffered a head injury, was hemorraging from the brain and the next 24 hrs were crucial. I walked into my son's room that night after work finding him down on his knees crying like a baby and begging God to let him change places with her! She pulled through the night but the boy with her driving the car wasn't so lucky and died that same night.

My son was always an affectionate boy but became even more affectionate. He visited friends and family he hadn't seen in ages. I found out later that he told his friends what songs and what clothes he wanted should anything happen to him....death.

Two months to the day of Tasha's accident my son was a passenger in a car that was involved in a car crash with one fatality....him. He was flown to the same hospital, put in the same ICU bed, and had the same head injuries as had Tasha. He fought for 10 hrs to stabalize enough for us to see him then he was gone two hours later. It was like he held on just so that we could say goodbye one last time!

I believed God answered his prayers that night as he knelt on the floor pleading for Tasha's life. The similarities are too great! Also, Randall was an organ donor and all of the donor receipiants were released from the hospitals one week after the transplants. Not one rejection! A miracle as if it was meant to be.

The love he felt for her was immense. The type of love where you are willing to give your life for....true love! Although it has a sad ending nontheless it fills my heart with hope that I too can have that kind of love....that it still exists today!